father with a child fixing a tire

Acts of Service Love Language: The Definitive Guide (2024)

ByKaitlyn Treece

Love may be a universal language that everyone speaks, but each person has their favored way of communicating it. 

Each one has a love language they speak so fluently, which helps in strengthening relationships and creating stronger connections. 

One way is through the acts of service love language, where love is best expressed through the deeds we do for the people we love.

What Are Acts of Service?

The best thing about love is that there are numerous ways of expressing it. For Gary Chapman, these ways are called the love languages, which help us to create more meaningful connections with the people we love. 

There are five love languages and one of them is called the acts of service. For those who speak this love language, actions definitely speak louder than words, and they will surely appreciate your deeds more than your sweet talk. 

They will like it more if you do things for them like iron their uniform, picking them up from work, or cooking their favorite meal. They may value your time together, the gifts you give them, the sweet words you say, and the touches, but actions are like treasures to them. 

You cannot just go and tell them you love them without doing any actions to prove your claim. For this love language acts of service are all about the things you’re doing to show the people you love how much you care for them.

Examples of Acts of Service

Showing your love and appreciation to someone is the best way to make your relationship stronger. If this is your love language, some acts of service examples you can do for your partner are washing the dishes after dinner, giving them a massage after a long day at work, or doing groceries for them. 

If this is your kid’s love language, just preparing their favorite snack is already an act of service. Now, this may sound quite problematic, especially if this is not the love language you speak. You may think that it requires too much time and effort and that it somehow feels like being a servant.

But take note that while it’s true that it’s quite demanding in terms of time and effort, it doesn’t mean that you’re a slave to them. Those who love service only love the idea that you are doing certain things for them because you see them as someone special and worthy of your efforts. In other words, it’s the feelings and emotions attached to the deed that makes it more valuable. 

Key Factors of Acts of Service

The acts of service is definitely one of the other love languages that is perceived as demanding and complicated. But in reality, this is not always the case. That being said, you must learn and understand this love language more to avoid misunderstandings in your relationship.

Acts of Service Isn’t Always Easy

If this is your primary love language, you need to remember that making actions isn’t always easy. This is even more important to remember if your partner has a different love language. You see, just because you want something to be done doesn’t mean your partner can implement it all the time. 

Give consideration as much as possible because this love language can be time-consuming and will require effort. So, you want your partner to cook you breakfast every day before you go to work. One time your partner failed to do it because he or she had a very important meeting early in the morning and cooking your breakfast would make them late. 

Would you be upset that your partner failed to do this for the first time? Or would you be understanding of his or her situation? You see, there will be some instances when your loved one will not be able to do as you ask. 

Not because they didn’t want to, but because they, too, have their own life to live. What should matter is the time they allot and the effort they exert just to show you how much you mean to them.

Get Clear What Acts are Meaningful

If you truly want to speak this love language fluently, it’s necessary that you know what are acts of service that your partner finds meaningful. The same thing goes if this is your love language. Being vocal and specific about the acts you want to receive from your partner will be very beneficial not just to them, but to you as well. 

If you want them to do the laundry on weekends so you can do other important stuff, tell them. If you want to have a clear schedule on the household chores so you can also give time for yourself, be open about it. 

Remember that your loved ones are humans too. They won’t always see things the same way as you. They won’t always know what you want and you can’t expect them to read your mind. 

Don’t be surprised if you wake up and the coffee hasn’t been prepared yet. Or if they didn’t buy your favorite snack on the way home. It would be unfair to feel upset at them for not meeting your expectations if you, yourself, weren’t clear about it in the first place. 

It’s Not About “Being a Maid”

Perhaps it’s true that the acts of service definition include work and labor, but it doesn’t mean that you are a maid for doing them. Yes, you cleaned the window. Yes, you washed the car. Yes, you picked up the kids from school.

Was it tiring? Yes. But remember that this is what it means to have a partner who speaks the act of service love language. If they are asking you to do something for them, don’t look at it negatively. Instead, look at it as your way of saying that you love them, you appreciate them, and that they also deserve a break. 

Take note that for those who speak this love language, a simple act can go a long way. Making a cup of coffee can equate to the words “I love you.” Doing the laundry can mean “thank you” or “I appreciate you.” 

Taking care of the little one to give your partner some me-time can mean “I got your back.” You see, love comes in different forms. And for this love language, acts of service are the best way to communicate your love and appreciation.

Do Not Expect Anything in Return

Acts of service should come from the heart and not from the mind. Just like love itself, you must give it wholeheartedly without asking or expecting anything in return. A healthy relationship doesn’t count the gifts you give or the acts you did. 

It is all about having the initiative to do something for someone because you love them and not because there is something else you want from them. The examples of acts of service indeed seem tiring at times, and perhaps you feel obligated to do them for your loved one. 

However, always bear in mind that love is not about “I did this for you, so you should do this for me too.” Remove that mindset and instead focus on the genuine expression of love. 

If love is real and the relationship is built on genuine feelings, both you and your partner will surely speak each other’s love language. Not for other reasons, but for the sole purpose of making each other feel loved and special. 

Detecting Acts of Service Love Language

Of all the 5 love languages acts of service is probably one that shouts the words ‘I love you’ without really having to say the actual words. Maybe you’re wondering why your mom loves to clean your room. 

Or why your dad likes to take your car to fill up your tank. Perhaps your kid likes to water your favorite plant, or your partner uses his or her free time to do the laundry for you. If you notice that your loved ones favor doing things for you instead of doing it with you, then there is a high chance that their love language is acts of service. 

All of the things they do for you, no matter how big or small, are all acts of love. Sometimes they will do small acts of service such as placing your key in its proper place or moving your plant where it can get enough sunlight. They may seem very simple, but regardless of how small the acts are, what matters is that they are thinking of you when they are doing it. 

Maybe you tend to misplace your key all the time, so they placed it in its proper place. Or you were too busy with work and couldn’t move your plant, so they went ahead and did it for you. You see, for this love language service is all about you. 

It’s all about doing things you’ll appreciate and things that can make your life easier. If you or your loved ones value actions more than anything else, then there’s no doubt that it’s the acts of service love language.

Your Love Language is Acts of Service

If you love service, whether it’s you who’s giving them or the receiving end, then perhaps you believe in the saying “actions speak louder than words.” It is easy to say the words ‘I love you,’ but you won’t believe it unless they show it to you. 

So, if you feel like you’re not receiving enough acts of service from your loved ones, you might feel hurt and upset. Perhaps they have a different love language, or they are just unable to do the exact thing you find meaningful. 

If that’s the case, don’t hesitate to be open about your preferences. Tell your loved ones that this is your love language, and give them acts of service ideas they can do to make you feel loved and appreciated. 

Don’t wait for them to read your mind, as it will only create conflicts and misunderstandings in your relationship. Be open and be specific. After all, communicating our needs and wants is necessary to keep our relationships stronger. 

How to Receive Acts of Service?

Now that you understand the importance of communication in a relationship don’t just stop there. Help your loved ones speak your love language fluently. You can do this by creating acts of service list that entails actions you find meaningful. 

If you feel appreciated when they are giving you back massages, include it in your list. If you feel special when they iron your clothes or when they take the kids out to give you some me-time, write it down. 

It is even more necessary to be communicative about your needs if your loved ones’ love language is different from yours. You’re not only teaching them how to love you correctly, but you are also helping them to meet you halfway in your relationship.

And in the languages of love, meeting halfway is the best way to make connections stronger and more meaningful. Appreciate your loved ones’ effort in giving you the love you want. Even when they fail to do it at times, what’s important is they are trying to speak your love language just to make you feel special. 

Your Partner Love Language is Acts of Service

If you realize that your partner’s love language is acts of service, it’s time for you to give your acts meaning and purpose. There are numerous acts of service love language ideas that you can try to make your partner feel loved and appreciated. 

You can do simple loving acts such as folding their clothes, cooking their favorite meal, or organizing their table. It may seem time-consuming at times, but this is not always the case. If you’re busy and couldn’t do complicated tasks for them, then stick to the easy ones. 

If you’re working from home and have a few minutes to make your coffee, make one for your partner too. If you’re running late for work and can’t cook breakfast, just grab some milk and cereals for them. 

These are small acts of love you could possibly do that could melt your partner’s heart. Just knowing that you are willing to do things for them even if you are busy or even if this is not your love language will surely make them feel so special. 

How to Give Acts of Service to Your Partner?

If you’re having a hard time thinking about what you can do for your partner who speaks this love language, don’t stress too much about it. Yes, it can be complicated at times, but never underestimate the power of asking questions. 

If you couldn’t determine the exact actions that would make them feel special, ask them about it and try experimenting as well. If they say that they prefer to have a day where they won’t have to do household chores, give them a day all to themselves. 

While you’re at it, try pampering them as well by giving them foot or back massage. Now, you might get intimidated by this, but don’t be. Yes, it can be quite tiring and might need some of your time, but love is all about making your partner happy and content. 

There are also some acts of service ideas for boyfriend such as helping him with his yard work or getting him a drink while he’s watching his favorite sports. The key takeaway here is that it’s all about trying and experimenting which actions will make your partner feel loved and appreciated.

Your Child Love Language is Acts of Service

Love is not just an emotion felt by grownups. Even kids know what love is, and they definitely have their favored way of expressing and receiving it. Additionally, kids need to receive love the way they wanted to as it is vital when it comes to their development. 

Now, there are a lot of service ideas you can do that your kid will surely love and learn from. What’s best about this is when you show them some examples of service to others, your kid will also follow. 

They will learn the value of kindness and of being in service of others. Kids are also very appreciative. So when you give them even the smallest actions that show love, it would surely make their hearts full. 

You see, simple acts of service for kids can be as natural as cooking their food and helping them clean up after themselves. 

Acts of Service For Kids

Showing your love to your kids is not a hard thing to do. Of course, kids need us in order for them to nourish and to grow. That being said, giving acts of service to kids is a natural thing for parents. 

Acts such as preparing their baths, cooking their meals, and organizing their toys are part of a parent’s typical day. However, make sure to try other things as well and make sure to commit. If you notice that they are having difficulty figuring out a new toy, step up and help them. 

Or perhaps they don’t know how to fold their clothes properly yet. Go ahead and show them how it’s done. Teaching them how to do things on their own can be a form of acts of service as well. 

You see, acts explained and taught will also soon become acts that are done voluntarily. And soon enough, their learned actions will be the very same actions they will do for you to show you they care. 

List of Acts of Service Ideas

Most of the time, we fail to see a specific love language as it is, especially if it’s already a part of our everyday lives. But if you need more ideas on how to speak the acts of service love language fluently, here are some examples you can definitely try. 

For Partners

  • When you’re up for a snack, always ask what your partner wants and get it or prepare it for them.
  • Surely, there are tasks that your partner hates to do. Identify these tasks and have the initiative to do them for your partner.
  • Does your partner have a to-do list and you got the time to do some of them? Then help your partner tick off some of the items by doing it on their behalf.
  • Plan a surprise date night and bring them to their favorite game or a concert. Be creative during their day off!
  • If they ask you for a favor, never forget about it. Write it in a notepad if you must.
  • If you’re in the grocery store or in the mall, give them a call and ask if you can get something for them.
  • If they have an ongoing project that you can help with, may it be some house renovations or yard work, give them a helping hand. Or at least give them some drinks and snacks while they’re taking a break.
  • Iron their clothes and prepare their things for tomorrow’s work.
  • If you’re doing something for them, no matter how big or small, never complain about it and just do your best to accomplish it.
  • Plan a vacation or a short trip and handle all the necessary bookings and preparations.

For Kids

  • If your kid asks for your help on something, assist them in a timely manner.
  • If their toy gets broken or perhaps their bike has parts that need to be changed, help them fix it.
  • Do their homework with them or perhaps help them with a complicated subject by allocating some time in teaching them.
  • If they want to learn a new sport, practice it with them. Or if they want to play a game, help them with the preparations.
  • If your kid wants to visit a friend, volunteer to walk them to their friend’s house or offer to drive them.
  • If your kid is taking too much time and you’re in a hurry, help them with what’s slowing them down instead of reprimanding them.
  • Set up a movie and prepare your child’s favorite meal when they are feeling sick or low.
  • If they fell asleep on the couch while watching their favorite tv show, carry them to bed and tuck them in.
  • When they are out playing with friends, bring them some drinks and snacks.
  • Pick them up from school on time and bring them to the park where you can eat the foods you prepared for them.

For Yourself

  • Buy new decorations for your house or apartment and do some makeover.
  • Take care of your health by exercising regularly and preparing healthy meals for yourself.
  • Never forget to schedule important medical appointments such as monthly physical and dental checkups.
  • Pay your bills on time. Or if you’re busy and tend to forget due dates, take the time to set up auto bill-pay.
  • If you’re craving your favorite meal or drink, just take a seat and have it delivered to your doorstep. 
  • Schedule a general cleaning of your house or apartment where you can also reorganize your things and declutter unnecessary items. Do it at least once or twice a month.
  • Start your day right by making your bed before you go on with your day or your work.
  • If you’re feeling a bit down, hire someone who can give you a back massage or maybe a foot spa. Whatever that will help you feel rejuvenated.
  • Give yourself some much-needed vacation, and make sure to avoid any stress such as thinking about your work or your deadlines.
  • Get a planner and list down all the things that need to get done, all the things you want to try, and all the things that you can do to practice self-love. Tick them off one by one.

Similar Posts